Schatz and I had a mini-fight. Though it really wasn’t a fight, just an intense conversation. It started off innocently enough, with me wanting to drive past a few homes I saw listed on Zillow. We’re torn, because we know that after Schatz gets done with his probation period with the state job he’s in (meaning he completes the first 6 months successfully) we want to get either an apartment together or look into houses. Which led to a conversation about responsibility which tends to make Schatz’s anxiety flare up. I love him to death and he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I told him, I worry that he’ll resent me if I try and push him into the responsibilities I want (a home, kids, etc). I’m thankful that he does share his desires, fears, and anxieties with me. And maybe that’s where I have some shortcomings. While I sit at work all day considering things that worry me about our marriage, budget, life in general- I have an outlet.
Across the internet there are millions of beautiful voices sharing their opinions, and helping you understand that you are not alone in what you are thinking. You can literally find someone with the same thoughts that you have, but has had the courage to share. And women do this the most, in regards to their home/personal lives. It’s a natural evolution of where we’ve been and we’re we are going as women (that’s not to say it’s the only place that women belong, etc. If you’ve read anything else I’ve written, you’ll recognize I’m an advocate for women). We women tend to congregate and do community- it what we’re taught from a very early age.
Getting back to Schatz, I feel bad because when I get worried or anxious about this new journey we’re embarking on, I can reach out to the internet. Trouble figuring out how to budget as a couple? Check out A Practical Wedding. Wondering how your life can change if your partner goes Gluten Free? Check out Gluten Free Girl’s story. And so on. The wealth of advice that is at my finger tips helps me from forming anxiety about the serious questions we are facing in our lives. But Schatz does not have that community.
Not only does his job separate him from a computer, but it’s also an atmosphere where he is not working with peers in his age group, but rather people that could be his older cousins, younger aunts and uncles, or even parents. Yes he has a few good friends to chat with, but the community aspect that you find across the comments on wonderfully written blogs across the internet, where people can admit to things they wouldn’t tell their friends because of anonymity of the internet. I wish there were good blogs for guys that shared their lives and that I could get Schatz to interact with them.
In the meantime, I’ll keep “educating” myself with the thoughts, experience, and advice of those I interact with on the internet, and keep passing that advice onto Schatz.